Mod 7- Divorse and Divorce Recovery

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by stephlamb
Last updated 3 years ago

Discipline:
Social Studies
Subject:
Psychology

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Mod 7- Divorse and Divorce Recovery

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"The more technical and more advanced the science becomes, often the more it leads us back to some very basic tenets. ... With all the science and with all the advances, the best advice we can give is things that our grandmother could have told us generations ago: to spend loving, quality time with our children." http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/teenbrain/etc/synopsis.html

“The MOST important thing you can do for children involved in divorced families is to tell them IT'S NOT THEIR FAULT and show them as well as tell them that [no matter what happens] THEY ARE LOVED VERY MUCH BY BOTH PARENTS! (from our assignment notes)

Mod 7 * Divorce and Divorce Recovery

“You Never” , “You Always”, or Anything Insulting or Acting SuperiorHe says the “You Never” and “You Always” statements make “condemnations”, presumptions, and judgements about the partner’s character which are destructive. We should realize that we each have limitations and meet on a level playing field. It is not a competition of who is better or worse. We each bring strengths and weaknesses into the relationship.

The pain of disruption eventually leads to the excitement of self-discovery. For many people, then, a divorce becomes the beginning of a new journey into fulfillment, a journey that includes both personal growth and meaningful intimate relationships.” (p. 330, Lauer & Lauer)

Kindness & Generosity

Psychologist Constance Ahrons found four types of relationships between 98 pairs of ex-spouses: fiery foes, angry associates, cooperative colleages, and perfect pals. Obviously, the fiery foes and angry associates do not represent the healthiest relationships. These ‘types’ tend to harbor much anger, bitterness, and resentment. The cooperative colleages and perfect pals are able to overcome differences to interact pleasantly. The two latter scenarios are the healthiest situations for everyone affected by the divorce.

PRECIPITATION

Sometimes . . .

3 Things Never to Say. . .

The 5 Horsemen of the ApocolypseCRITICISM: attacks character (it is a spillover of self-criticism – the “I’m not good enough self-dialogue) ex. the viewpoint of Idiots vs maniacs – don’t be concerned with other people’s mistakes; CONTEMPT: the great relationship killer -expression of superiority through sarcasm, cynicism, mockery, eye rolling, ridicule; DEFENSIVENESS: self-protection through righteous indignation i.e. playing the victim, an underhanded way of blaming partner; STONEWALLING: the silent treatment; complete breakdown in communication; and BELIGERANCE: the death sentence for any happy relationship; involves completely devaluing the partner through insults, belittling, ridicule, power and control to the point of not caring about the effects of behavior on the other partner.

Types of Ex-Relationships

REFLECTION: It is obvious that divorce affects children in many ways. It is interesting to note that there is no universal list of effects. Whether the effects are negative, and the severity, or positive, depends on the people involved and the situation. The most positive situation involves those who are able to resolve or set aside conflict for the good of everyone.

TRUST & FORGIVENESS

Studies have shown that children fare much better when conflict between the divorced parents is reduced or eliminated. Even better are those parents who can maintain a friendship for the sake of their kids. From our text, Psychologist Constance Ahrons found four types of relationships between 98 pairs of ex-spouses: fiery foes, angry associates, cooperative colleages, and perfect pals. Obviously, the fiery foes and angry associates do not represent the healthiest relationships. These ‘types’ tend to harbor much anger, bitterness, and resentment. The cooperative colleages and perfect pals are able to overcome differences to interact pleasantly. The two latter scenarios are the healthiest situations for everyone affected by the divorce.

Be Nice!

~ Sensitive Doer ~

Resolve conflict!

I’ve believed for a long time that at the core of everything in life, it is relationships that matter more than anything we experience. They enrich us, shape us, and help us in becoming who we are.

Teens are seeking direction for skills, talents and education necessary to carry passions into paychecks.

Children need constant love, nurture, and reassurance of their value on a regular basis but especially while experiencing the turbulence of divorce.

http://www.webheights.net/dividedheart/waller/uld.htm

"Even though the public perception is about building bigger and better brains, what the research shows is that it's the relationships, it's the connections, it's the people in children's lives who make the biggest difference."

Broken Together


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